The choice you didn't make
by Aruna7
Summary: Jaina and Zekk have to work together on various missions. While Jaina is mourning Jag's loss, Zekk stays by her side, doing everything he can for the woman he secretly still loves.
1. Chapter 1

This series was written in 2007, and was a kind of "come back" to writing for me, after a long break. This is a 10 chapter story focusing on the relationship between Jaina Solo and Zekk, who happen to be one of my favourite _Star Wars_ couples in the Expanded Universe. It takes place after _Dark Nest_, because I needed it to assume that Jag had died at the end of it. So, the story starts shortly after those events.

Notes: Special Thanks to FelsGoddess and Lionchilde for the beta and support.

Notes 2: _The Choice you didn't make_ might have a sequel, I already have a few ideas about it, but due to life and muses, it won't come to life before an unknown while.

* * *

**Chapter 1 : ****Memories snowing in the cold evening**

With snow up to her knees as she was getting down from her X-Wing, Jaina was already feeling the deadly cold biting her soft skin, though she was wearing a huge amount of clothes to protect herself from frigid climate of Hoth. It had been years since she'd come to this planet. Even after all the time that had passed since the Rebellion's war against the Empire, Jaina could still feel the determination, pride, hope and despair that lingered here. It came to her now in silent waves through the Force. Her Jedi senses had somehow increased since her experiences during the Yuuzhan Vong war, and then during the time spent among the Killiks. This isolated and unwelcome planet was still a symbol for her parents' generation and also for her, seen as the legacy all the Alliance veterans gave people her age. The last war had seen all generations working together, dying together. Jaina felt something cold in her heart, she knew what it was, she knew it too well, and she wouldn't let it make her slide to darkness.

_Don't worry about the past... This is no time for this Jaina..._

Jaina felt the comforting, yet somehow disturbing, thoughts of Zekk in her mind. Since their experience with the Killiks, they were closer than ever. This was, however, ironic. They were closer in thoughts and Jedi work, but further in hearts and feelings. Jaina was happy this way, if there was time to be happy of course. War kept her on duty all the time and in a certain eerie way, peace was more difficult to deal with. Surely because there were far too many moments left to think and remember things. Her mother told her to focus on the future. Jaina almost smirked bitterly, but her Jedi training prevented her from doing this. The young woman was loyal and hardworking, she had no time for anything else. Did she even want something else?

- Jaina! We have to go to the ancient base! It's only a few hundred meters away!

Jaina heard Zekk screaming in the snow storm that was calming down a bit and she replied positively, telling him to go ahead of her with the survival gear. As usual the dark young man refused and waited for her to finish gathering the few items they would carry for the night. They had been sent on mission to Hoth to check on the new secret laboratory that had been installed one year after the Yuuzhan Vong war. It was intended to develop new weapons based on their former enemy's biotechnology. Jaina also knew that some medical research would be soon added to the project but first the infrastructures, as well as the current state of the team's work, had to be verified. This was the reason of Zekk and her own coming here, but a huge snow storm had started when they were arriving and they had to land to the closer old Rebellion base they had on their map. They would join the laboratory within the next two days. The trip had been kind of long, and they needed rest first.

Thankfully, the base was indeed not far and they could force their way in to one of the entrances without too much difficulty. They were careful once inside the abandoned base, because Wampas could always be found in the neighborhood. Carrying their packages, and also holding their lightsabers in case, the two Jedi made their way through the vast building. Hoth had not been much used lately but the installations were still here, even if most of them were not very functional. Walking along the empty corridors, only sound being that of their breathing, Jaina felt peaceful and for an unknown reason, a bit thoughtful at the same time. She could feel Zekk was feeling the same thing as her. This was strange. Jaina chased all those meaningless emotions away from her mind, glad to have finally arrived in an ancient quarters section of the base.

Zekk put all his material on the floor and locked the quarters they found so that no wampa or other ice monster would come to disturb them. Jaina got rid of her packets as well and started scouting. She quickly found that of the five rooms forming this quarter sections, only two were usable. It was still so awfully cold that even with all her clothes, Jaina was shivering, her teeth chattering. She was tired, mentally tired. This was the reason she didn't enjoy having time for herself. She hated having her mind wandering about everything and nothing.

She suddenly felt something on her shoulders. It was Zekk; who had taken a blanket from package and arranging it around her. He did that almost without touching his friend. Friend... In Zekk's mind, it still appeared something unfitting after all those years. He knew that they had quit years ago, ten years at least by now. He was aware that Jaina had an affair with Jag during the war and that Jaina was still mourning his death, but Zekk had never stopped caring, far too much, for the Solo Daughter. She was the one who had been here for him since they had been kids. The one and only who brought him back from his fall into the Dark Side all those years ago and still today, Zekk couldn't think of anyone else he cared for more. She was the person he wanted to spend life with, and not only to achieve their Jedi missions.

Zekk had hidden all those feelings the deepest possible in his soul for long years now. His biggest fear after he understood what happened when they were with the Killiks, was that Jaina finally understood what she meant for him, though Zekk was aware she might already be. Yet he knew that if it was clearly known, it would be the end of their friendship and this he couldn't handle. Thankfully, the young woman hadn't seemed to catch anything. The only event that could have led to this had been the morning they both woke up gently embracing on their bed. Zekk was almost certain that Jaina's affection at that time had only been due to the Killiks' influence, but he knew that from times to times he had wished it wasn't only because of this influence. At least they were still close friends, more than Zekk could have asked for, especially after the years Jaina and Jag had a more or less official relationship.

Zekk didn't realize he had almost arranged all their material for the night in the station. Thinking drove him slightly from reality. He saw Jaina sitting, the blanket still around her shoulders, watching in front of her. He approached and put a friendly hand on her shoulder, not daring coming closer. She was thinking about the past. Zekk didn't know why Jaina was thinking about Jag now, here on Hoth. He was almost sure it was Jag she was remembering, because the pain he felt from her whenever she would feel about family losses wasn't like this.

Zekk never doubted Jaina's strength, even when she flirted with the dark side. She could cope with almost anything, yet she had a part of vulnerability she rarely showed. Standing beside her, the young man, so serious and devoted to his Jedi mission, didn't know how to give his friend the comfort she needed, or at least, he had no way she wouldn't reject.

Jaina didn't really know why she was feeling so sad tonight. No; she was lying to herself. She knew too well. Being on any snowy location would always remind her of Jag and of the peace after the Vong war. They hadn't had many happy moments together and now it was too late. The Solo daughter had coped with many close losses for long years now, but she was almost sure that no man could ever replace Jag in her heart. She was feeling Zekk's presence as usual. He never pushed her or tried to win anything from her. She didn't quite know where he stood in her life; something between partner and guardian angel maybe. They'd been both close and far from each other for so long that it was difficult to explain their relationship. And Jaina didn't want to think more about it. Life was too complicated when she started to think.

Zekk was still with his hand on her shoulder, when Jaina looked up at him. She was aware he knew part of the mess that was going in her head, but he never tried to make her talk or anything. He was far too respectful for doing something like this. She tried to smile gently to him, but pain was not to leave tonight and she felt silent tears coming to her eyes. Even with her strength, there were times when she couldn't fight them, though she preferred being alone when it happened. She didn't like having her weak moments witnessed.

Zekk saw the young woman was close to crying. He wasn't sure of what to do, but he finally sat down next to her, and gently hugged her, just letting her cry silently in his arms. He didn't know if this situation was the best for him, but he would trade his place for no other. He didn't know either, if Jaina would mind this hug or not, but he had no other way to show her, she could trust him, at that moment…


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 : Chocolate loves company**

It had been two days since Jaina and Zekk had come back from their mission on Hoth. Nothing special to mention, though they both had already done their duty and turn in a report. Since almost everyone was off planet, Jaina had been staying at her parents' home, but she had just received a message from Lando who invited – no one could ever give an order to a Solo, especially a Solo woman – both his friend's daughter and Zekk to see the new flat he just had bought in the capital.

Jaina was glad to see someone else than only Zekk. There was something she was not comfortable with those days; some uneasy thing floating in the air. Even after all her years of friendship with the Jedi, Jaina wasn't certain that having cried in front of him on Hoth, letting her guard down, and showing him her sorrow had been a good thing. Zekk hadn't shown her anything but silent comfort. Yet, Jaina felt something was wrong. After all she had gone through, she assumed she would know, but she didn't. Maybe she was just finding it more and more difficult to admit that she was tough and in full control of her emotions, but she had no other choice; she wouldn't let anything draw her away from duty or her Jedi status.

In a friendly place, Jaina felt better, and quieter, almost like home. Coruscant was home and Lando and Tendra were family. Her father's friend was not home yet and Tendra had offered her and Zekk two separate guest rooms. She had taken Jaina to the main bedroom, because the young woman had realized, with some hint of shame that she had run short of fresh clothes. She wasn't at her best about all this everyday life stuff. Tendra offered her some clothes to borrow. Jaina had found some usual pants of hers that could work, which was useful since Tendra was taller than her. As for the top, Jaina could say that Lando's wife only wore feminine outfits, but too feminine for Jaina. The Solo daughter found herself picking – after long thinking – a long-sleeved grey top, that was a bit too tight for her, and showing far more cleavage than Jaina even thought she had.

_This is so going to be ridiculous…_

Tendra caught her bewildered look and laughed quietly.

"I'm sorry I have no Jedi robes or clothes your size, but I hope it will be okay till tomorrow."

She took Jaina in her arms, in a motherly embrace. Jaina knew that Tendra could never have children, and that she had always considered her as the daughter she had dreamt of. Jaina hugged Lando's wife back and smiled sincerely.

"I'm not going to tell you I feel that comfortable, but it will do the trick. Mom would be delighted to see me dressed this feminine bu I just can't wait to get my normal outfits fresh and back. Tank you very much, Tendra. A Jedi niece who only shares looks and Jedi powers with her princess mother must be rather weird to deal with, isn't it?"

Jaina saw Tendra smiling brightly when she heard the young woman considering herself as her niece. Lando's wife closed her cupboards and took Jaina by the arm.

"I think I heard Lando arriving. Let's join him and Zekk and then have a cup of hot chocolate. I'm sure it's been ages since you had one."

The thought of the tasteful exotic drink Lando introduced the family to made Jaina even happier. She was genuinely happy at that moment and it was such a good feeling…

* * *

Lando was glad to know that his best friend's daughter was to spend some time at his home, along with her childhood friend. It was good to have his Solo niece visiting him. He had always liked the girl, well the woman he should say now. Very tough and as good looking as her mother, Jaina had turned into some real smuggler princess. Thinking about the Solo family, Lando didn't catch the tall young man standing in front of the room's main window. Han's friend had always appreciated Zekk, though this guy was some kind of mystery to him.

The Jedi was also relieved not to be alone anymore with Jaina, after the Hoth mission. He knew that Jaina wasn't really happy that he had seen her being what she called weak but he didn't regret any moment they could have together, even if they were emotionally as close as if they were on each border of the galaxy. Their connection was always seemed weirder for him sometimes. Zekk finally stopped his never ending thinking when he felt Lando arriving.

The ex-smuggler gentleman greeted Zekk and was not surprised of the polite, yet distant, of the Jedi. They started to talk causally about everything and nothing until Lando asked about Jaina and where she had disappeared. Zekk told him that Tendra had taken her to find something to wear. Lando couldn't hide his smile.

"I have always wondered about what kind of secrets women could share while talking clothes, haven't you Zekk?"

Jaina's friend didn't answer, mentally wondering what he did to be on the verge of getting involved in a talk about women. This was really the last thing he wanted to do, especially when Lando was almost of Jaina's family. Zekk realized that Calrissian was still talking.

" … But I'm certain that you must know very well what kind of clothes Jaina likes, don't you?"

Zekk was really thankful for being a Jedi in almost complete control of his emotions at this moment. Lando was really the last person he wanted to talk to about his feelings for Jaina. He knew that if Han found out about it he would just end shooting him, but Lando? He might just end chatting about it, and Zekk didn't want to end fighting Han, and loosing Jaina's friendship for something stupid he would have said. But Zekk didn't know what trust meant, he hadn't for some years now. His childhood when the Solos cared for him as family had really ended the day Jag entered the picture. Zekk knew that in the end, the Solos had liked him a lot, and that just made it harder for him to know where to stand.

Lando had stopped talking, and have watched the young man in front of him, who was a bit lost in his thoughts he seemed. No need to be a Jedi like his guest to understand what was going on… Calrissian knew what had happened with Jag, and other matters. And even if he hadn't seen Zekk that often for the last years, he still saw this look he had for Jaina, even after years of "friendship only". Lando couldn't help but thinking that Zekk needed someone to talk. He knew that his friend Han would surely be upset about the matter, but Jaina was like his niece, and his opinions on education, especially for late twenties kids, were slightly different from the Corellian's.

"You know Zekk… I thought Jedi were more subtle than normal humans."

The young man looked at Lando, showing nothing, though he was mentally bothered that Calrissian seemed to guess more than others. Was he that obvious? Of course he wasn't, otherwise things wouldn't be the way they were. He decided to beat the older man on his own playground.

"I thought that gamblers stopped bluffing with age."

Zekk got a bit surprised by Lando's reaction, who started laughing. This wasn't expected, nor intended. Zekk didn't like feeling like he was at that moment but Lando was not here to threaten him.

"First of all, I am a former gambler. Almost. Don't' tell my wife. Secondly, a gambler knows how to read the person he has in front of him. You can fool many people, even Han, otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you, I know that Jaina means more to you than you will ever admit it."

At this point, Zekk didn't quite know how to react, his soul was starting to get insane with this talk he didn't want to have at any point in his life, should he die tomorrow or in fifty years.

"I don't see the point Calrissian. Jaina is mourning the loss of the man she loved and this man was Fel. I am her friend. No less. No more."

Lando remained silent for a few long moments. The Jedi was as stubborn as Jaina, no doubt about why those two were having trouble. Lando wanted to tell his point to Zekk and he was doing so because he knew that one day it might help the young man to take an other step.

"You've been in Jaina's life for many more years than Jag. Your paths separated. Jaina's road crossed Jag's and they have been together. But who is still here for her? Helping her go through her mourning and life? You might take me for an old man keen on giving lessons, think about it. She doesn't want you out of her life, and you never wondered why?"

Lando looked towards the room's entrance, hearing voices.

"I'm sure that your Jedi senses told you our women were coming this way but think about what I told you."

He left Zekk no time to answer and walked towards Tendra and Jaina who were arriving in the room. Jaina smiled brightly when she saw Lando and hurried toward him. He took her in his arms and gave her a very big hug.

"So nice to see you, Jaina! I hope that my favorite young lady enjoys my new humble place."

Jaina laughed and hugged Lando back. She was feeling so well being with family. It had always been simple with her father's friend, and they still were, even in this complicated galaxy.

"I'm glad to see you, Uncle Lando. I love your new flat! It was a sweet surprise to get your message.

Calrissian smiled and gently nudged Jaina away from him slightly and looked at her. Jaina felt she was looking so weird with those clothes; itt was getting quite embarrassing. She knew Lando wouldn't miss the opportunity to make an even more embarrassing compliment, which he did.

"Do you know how much I love the way you look in this lovely outfit sweetie? Almost even more charming than your wonderful mother, which is much to say."

Lando looked back at Zekk and winked at Jaina, who was feeling like running away, which was quite unusual for her; but clothes and anything girly related was her only weak point. At least, it was what she thought.

"And I'm pretty sure that your fiancé loves how you look too."

Zekk who was indeed, enjoying the view he had, felt as embarrassed as Jaina, but not for the same reasons. Jaina looked so stunning at that moment but he kept behaving normally anyway. Nevertheless, he mentally noted not to come back to visit Calrissian for a few years… or decades.

Jaina felt a bit bothered about Lando's joke about Zekk, but she managed to pass the joke off that relaxed the atmosphere that got tensed for a few seconds. Tendra seemed to notice it too, and she gave a weird look at her husband who tried to look innocent, though she was quite sure he had spoken with Zekk, as he had merely planned once or twice before. It was no time to start a huge discussion and the two Jedi needed a break, it seemed. Tendra walked to kiss her husband, and then looked back at their guests.

"I promised some hot chocolate to Jaina but I'm sure that we could all enjoy a cup, don't you think?"

Everyone agreed and Tendra grabbed Lando to help her preparing the drinks, leaving Jaina and Zekk alone in the living room. Jaina grinned, wishing she were wearing a normal uniform. Zekk was quiet.

"It's really good to be home like this again. I think I was even missing Lando's silly jokes."

Zekk walked a bit closer to his friend.

"Well he was right about one thing at least. You look really great with those clothes."

Jaina didn't answer, just nodded. Lando and Tendra weren't long to come back with the hot chocolate. Lando gave cups to everyone and exchanged a look with Zekk. The young man knew that he could trust Calrissian about his discretion and that was a weird feeling.

Lando came next to his wife and put an arm around her shoulders and raised his cup of chocolate.

"It's good to have you here kids. To family! Cheers!"

They all raised their cups as well. Zekk nodded silently to Lando, who smiled back. Yes, it was good to be with family.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 : Part of the family**

Though the dinner had been very enjoyable, especially with Lando being such an entertaining host, Zekk had politely left the others as soon as he had been able to. Once in his guest room, the young man stood in the middle of it, without even switching any light on. The obscurity helped him to find a bit of peace after the earlier conversation with Calrissian. Though something deep inside of him was glad of having found some kind of friend in Lando, Zekk wished he could leave right at that moment and disappear once again among the somber streets of Coruscant like he used to do when he was a kid. Even if he had grown up years ago and could handle almost anything, he was really in need of space tonight, but he wouldn't seem impolite to his guests.

Lost in his thoughts, the Jedi finally sensed the presence he had been trying to get out of his mind for around ten years by now. The door behind him soon opened and revealed Jaina's silhouette in the light of the corridor. She stayed at the threshold, still as a statue, her question lingering in the air before she finally asked it.

"Is anything wrong, Zekk?"

The tall man didn't move for a instant before turning his back to her. At that particular moment, Zekk only wanted to be left alone and try not to see Jaina everywhere his life lead him to. Yet, she was here again, in the middle of his path but not really in his life. Sometimes this paradox was just getting embarrassing and made Zekk wish he could just walk away from everything in this galaxy, especially the Solo daughter but whatever he might feel or want, this was not of Jaina's business, and she shall not have to learn about it. Did she even want to?

"Nothing... I just thought that I'd leave you enjoying some spare time alone with your family. The few months, not to say years, have not been kind on giving you opportunities like that."

He could feel Jaina remaining thoughtful a while, as if she was balancing what to do or say. Zekk didn't expect what happened next. Leaving the door open, Jaina walked closer to her friend and put her hand on his arm, squeezing very lightly.

"You have been part of the family since we were kids, Zekk. I thought that you knew that."

Zekk could tell she meant what she had just said, but he didn't know if he shall feel that happy about it. He was not quite certain yet, though he wanted to rejoice at Jaina's words. Maybe it was only that too much had been said in a single day. Zekk wasn't sure about how to answer, so he switched to another topic to ease the atmosphere.

"Do you know you look cute, dressed like this, for a Colonel?"

Jaina didn't seem to react at first, but she suddenly burst out laughing. She pushed playfully her friend, still laughing brightly.

"Stop hanging around with Lando, will you? In your normal state, you wouldn't say I'm cute!"

Zekk laughed a bit too, but quickly nodded, a bit more serious again.

"You normally don't say I'm family for you."

Jaina didn't answer, and then, turned on her heels towards the door. Before she left, she looked at her friend and smiled to him.

"Good night, Zekk."

Though he wished to just have let Jaina go, Zekk walked to her before she left the room. Without saying anything, he hugged her. This time, it was Jaina who hadn't expected it coming. She hesitated a few seconds, but hugged him back. Nevertheless, Jaina broke the embrace rather quickly, left the room for good, a little bit uneasy.

"Good night, Jaina."

The young woman didn't look back as she was walking away in the corridor.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 : The Force to pretend**

The trip seemed to have lasted an eternity, though it had not been the first time Jaina went to Nar Shaada. She and Zekk had to fly with some old B-Wings, those having never been Jaina's must to pilot. The mission they were sent for required discretion so they had been given those vessels. The Solo daughter was used for many different kinds of missions and this one just didn't smell good to her. Yet, she wouldn't let her personal feelings get in the way of her work.

The spaceport area people landed on was very similar to the rest of Nar Shaada: an eerie mix of brilliant corruption, dirty violence, and horrid smelling that would assault any visitor or native's nose. Wearing some random galaxy inhabitant disguise, Jaina climbed down from her ship,and waited for Zekk to do the same. Her friend joined her soon, and was to take her bag, but backed off when she gave him a weird look. Shrugging, they remained silent, and went to register their ships at the landing area's owner. No question, just credits. Sometimes Jaina enjoyed the simple way of things.

After having registered, the two friends left to find some hotel to stay before their secret meeting that would happen two days later. Walking among the faceless weird population of the planet, Jaina almost felt at peace, which was kind of paradoxal, since Nar Shaada was one of the most criminal planet, that necessitated to be constantly ready to fight for survival. At least, there was no one who would bother about random civilians in this place, and not being Jaina Solo could happen to be almost enjoyable those days.

The only thing left to remind her who she really was, was the man by her side. How come Zekk had turned into both a full time memories bringer, and some stranger at other moments? It had been years since there had only been platonic work relationship between them, both totally agreeing on this, and still, their childhood friendship had too strong roots to break one day or the other. Sometimes Jaina wondered if she wasn't relying on Zekk as if he was some kind of brother to her. The Solo woman knew that she would never bring her lost brother Anakin from death, and though Jacen was still her twin, their roads had grown more and more separated for the last years. Was she thinking of Zekk as a brother? She knew that this was a far too simple explanation.

They finally reached the neighbourhood where they were supposed to meet their contact in the following days, and they picked up one of the unpleasant hotels they could in the area. The place was not as much crowded as Jaina had expected, and they were soon given a room, where they went right away to check and get some sleep. The room was quite tiny, but at least, smelt barely tolerable for Nar Shaada.

Dropping her bag on the bed, Jaina scanned the place through the Force, then looked at Zekk who had also checked it for audio devices or nasty things like this. Her friend nodded to her, sending her calm waves, signaling the room was clean. Jaina sat on the bed, and seemed to relax just a little bit. Zekk, who was standing on the other hand of the small space glanced at her. With her cover hairstyle and long black coat put on a random combat outfit, she reminded him of how she could look like in her teenage years. This time seemed like an eternity away from the present.

Zekk just felt like hugging her at the moment, and at same time he felt almost silly for getting sentimental like this. She had told him he was family. The problem was that Zekk didn't want to be family the way she considered him, though he knew he should rather be thankful for her to think like this about him. But, even if he wished that one day Jaina came back to him, he refused to be the one "left", after Jag's death. Though he had always felt saddened by the love this man had shared with Jaina, Zekk had never wanted him to die, just to get the place. This was totally out of moral, and Zekk would only accept to be loved for who he was, and never for any other reasons. He was almost sure, this would never happen anyway, because he knew Jaina very well, but he was also aware that loss could drive people to do unexpected things sometimes. Jaina also looked lost in her own thoughts, and Zekk finally broke the silence in the room.

"I think we should get some rest, after the trip. You can take the bathroom first."

Jaina suddenly looked at him. Zekk didn't have the slightest idea of what she had been thinking about, and after all, it was none of his business. She nodded and got up, taking her bag with her. Once she was in the bathroom, Zekk sensed her non appreciation of the state of the equipment, though she said nothing. While he was alone in the room, he took a cover from the bed, leaving the other for Jaina, and put it in the little space there was next to one of the bedsides. Then, he searched for clean clothes to change after the long trip. And something appeared to be wrong enough to make him curse loud.

Jaina burst from the bathroom behind him, her fresh outfit, not totally zipped.

"What's happening? I didn't feel any danger or so…"

Zekk turned back to her, glanced at her quickly, making her understand to zip up her top. She did so, looking just a tad uneasy. She gazed at him, looking serious.

"What happened? You were screaming like a dying Bantha!

This had to be one of the most pitiful moments of Zekk's life. After all he had been through; he had just found a way of looking totally ridiculous in front of Jaina. No one thought about this, for Jedi training.

"Well… I forgot to take new pants for the trip."

Jaina looked at him weirdly, and asked him seriously:

"Don't tell me, all of this was only about going shopping?"

Zekk shrugged. Jaina tried to look bothered, but was hiding her smile with difficulty.

"At least, we now know what we will do tomorrow."

Zekk watched Jaina walking back to the bathroom, and he heard her laughter once she was inside. What did he do to deserve this?

After a few minutes, Jaina had composed herself again, and came out again. Zekk was lying next to the bed, trying to arrange the cover around him. Jaina looked at him, but said nothing, and lay down on the bed, curling in the left cover. Rest was all she needed now, even if it was in some Nar Shaada crappy hotel.

* * *

The place was unknown to her. Waves of distress and danger were coming through the Force. Those emotions hit her physically. She couldn't tell where she actually stood in this place. It felt like a growing void to her. But somewhere, in the middle of the nothingness, there was something. Actually it was someone. She wanted to go closer to this person, but it was as if she couldn't move. Using her own Force powers, she tried to sense the person better.

It was a child… a little girl. A red haired little one, trying to walk, though she seemed to be trapped and not able to move. Some evil thing or being was trying to grasp the little girl, though she couldn't sense where the thread was coming from. It was out of reach, but it felt close enough to strike at any time.

She tried nevertheless to go to the child, but before she could come any closer, some huge evil energy sent her the furthest possible, leaving her as if her body had just been torn into pieces…

* * *

Fighting with the covers so desperately in her agitated sleep, Jaina suddenly fell out of the bed, right onto Zekk. Waking up because of his friend fallen on him, Zekk opened his eyes, and strongly felt Jaina shaking, as well as the messy emotions he could sense form her. Jaina clang onto Zekk as he tried to install her against his side, still in his arms.

Silently holding Jaina, the young man tried to envelop her of reassuring Force waves, but his friend was in some state of shock, and he couldn't tell because of what or whom. Still hugging Jaina, Zekk suddenly saw her giving him a blank look.

"I saw something…"

Zekk didn't move, trying to sense something that might help him understand what had put his friend in such a state.

"Was it a nightmare or…"

Jaina seemed to look past him, to something he couldn't see.

"I think it was Allana."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 : Where trust lies**

They were only two unnamed silhouettes, wandering in the crowded and dirty city. Even if someone was willing to take a closer look, he would only see a young couple playfully quarrelling about some random shopping question. The man had his arm tightly around the small woman's shoulders.

_Are you forced to do this, seriously?_

He looked innocently at her, though she hadn't spoken loud.

_Does cover mission mean something to you? Smile and use some of your father's "I charm and rule the universe, honey" trick._

She showed no reaction and grabbed him by the waist. She then smiled brightly and sent him a tiny Force slap, just to show she understood him very clearly.

After having walked along some streets, the couple stopped at one of the many cantinas that kept conquering more and more land on Nar Shaada. The place was dark, only some flashing old lights gave some idea of the population who was drinking, chatting and often cursing. Making their way to some corner table, that left them an appreciated view of the area, as much as the place allowed it at least, they sat in front of each other, and ordered some drinks. Even when a waiter brought them, they remained silent.

_Try to take my hand, and you'll be in deeper trouble than you would ever imagine._

Her companion acted as if nothing had happened, and tightened his grip on his glass, looking into the woman's eyes.

_Those kinds of things had not crossed my mind for almost ten years._

Jaina took a sip of her drink and didn't understood the weird and cold shiver that suddenly ran along her spin. Her mind didn't linger on it, however, because she suddenly felt something in the Force. She could sense two persons looking for someone, not the same person though. Yet, there was no spark of danger, for the moment.

_The man behind you, on the left. I think he's our contact. He's not alone, for what I can tell. His acolyte must be outside the cantina, if I'm right._

Jaina nodded. She spotted the man, and could see he had obvious Hapian heritage, though he was a bit small for his people, and that his outfit was totally common. The man stopped by their table, and took a seat. Looking at the couple, he introduced himself as Riken. Jaina nodded and Zekk introduce them, in low but sharp voice.

"Carth and Nera. Shall we…?"

Riken declined politely, implying this place was better to talk. Jaina preferred this to having to go to some narrow place they wouldn't be masters of. As for their code name, they were without any reference to precise people, so it would be very hard to link them to others. She was now waiting for their contact to tell them what he had learnt about. Riken didn't play smarter and quickly got to the point.

"It seemed well-known for a few weeks that there will soon be a new Queen in the Cluster."

Jaina knew it had something to do with a threat against her friend Tenel Ka, but she needed to know more. Now.

"Threats are quite common, but they don't all end victorious."

Rikken silently nodded, and looked more somber.

"There is a very well organized movement, whose existence the Queen doesn't know of. I don't know who's at the head of it, though all the persons I know, highly suspect, the leader of the military. But there is more to it. We know about someone's identity who works closely with her."

At this moment, Jaina understood she would not appreciate what she was going to hear. She felt Zekk thinking the same.

"It seems that the former Prince Consort is working against his own family."

Jaina showed no reaction, but she could barely believe that Isolder was working on his daughter's death. She had known him for years.

_Keep listening. You'll balance your feelings and truth later._

Jaina looked impartial, but she thought that the Yuuzhan Vong war just turned everything upside down, even years later.

"Do you know about the plan?"

Rikken thought a few seconds before answering. "The usual formula would be to kill the Queen, and kidnap or killing her daughter as well. I'm afraid I have no more information for the moment. "

Jaina briefly looked at Zekk, then looked back at the man.

"Why don't you tell the Queen directly?"

Rikken shrugged, "There is more to this that only the Queen, but we believe that only the GA can save her, and her people. Now I will go."

Zekk made no move to make the man stay and watched him leaving. He then turned to Jaina.

"Let's go, Carth. We should better leave now."

Zekk got up and left some credits on the table, and put his arm around Jaina again, almost hugging her in middle of the cantina. In the meantime, she checked the rest of place.

_I feel no immediate danger, but I think he said the truth._

Zekk said nothing, and they both left the cantina.

While they were working their way back to their hotel, being careful not to be followed, the Jedi thought about he and Jaina had just been told about Isolder. Like his friend, he could hardly believe that Tenel Ka's daughter would plot against her. Yet, he knew that trust could be broken from one day to the other. He could feel that Jaina had shielded off from him, even if she couldn't hide everything from him, especially since their time spent as Killik Joiners.

Zekk knew that it was no time to try to talk to her. They might even not talk about it before they would be back on Coruscant, reporting to Krey'Fey about their mission. But, he was aware that waiting for Jaina to start the discussion would be the best decision, no matter what, even if she happened to be disturbed by his own silent.

As always, time would tell. About everything.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 : Time for closure**

The evening had grown even darker than when they had come back to the hotel. At least this was what Zekk felt, but he suspected it was only his own state of mind that influenced him. He knew that when he would go out of the bathroom he would find Jaina still sitting on the bed, her arms around her knees. She would also still be silent, and thinking about what had happened since the night before. He could do nothing about this, no matter how much he wanted to. She would not allow it.

Zekk finally came back into the dark room and without saying a word, he laid down next to the bed, like he had the night before. Jaina was not alone to wonder and fear for the future of their friend Tenel Ka, and Allana, but Zekk didn't want to speak any opinion about Isolder's part in it, as long as they would have no more clues. And Zekk also wondered about the dream Jaina had about Allana, though he assumed it was because she was a bit anxious about the Hapan queen. And after all, they were almost certain that if Krey'Fey had sent them on this mission, it could only mean that Tenel Ka was threatened. The question had only been to learn by whom, and how seriously she was.

"After all those years, you don't have to sleep on the floor, you know."

Zekk didn't expect Jaina to talk to him tonight, even less, to tell him this. He didn't move for a little moment. He wished that things were as simple for him as they were to her. But he also understood that if he stayed where he was right now, she would suspect something, and this was definitely out of question so he got up and sat in the bed, next to her, their shoulders only brushing against each other for some seconds.

"Old habits, Jaina."

He felt something in the Force, but he didn't take it for any reborn interest from Jaina. She didn't look at him, but he soon felt her head resting on his shoulder. He didn't dare touch her tonight. He knew she was only undergoing the pressure and sad news of the day. Yet, sharing the same bed with her again would always bring old memories to his mind. And he honestly didn't know if he wanted it, especially now. He would never try anything foolish towards Jaina, and still...

Still, Zekk would remember the last moments of their romance long years ago. A few stolen nights of love and tenderness at the Jedi Academy and on Coruscant. This seemed light-years away now. Zekk knew deep down that Jaina's skin was still as soft as when he had been the first one to caress it. He knew that the pride he could feel sometimes for having been the first to love Jaina, was somehow stupidly masculine, but it was more than that to him. He knew that he would never love any other woman.

Zekk had never been angry at Jaina to have loved Jagged Fel. He had no right to order anything to her heart. He had just felt empty since the day she had met Jag. And he knew the emptiness would surely never change. He simply could not find the strength to give up on his feelings for the Solo daughter.

And feeling her next to him like this tonight was a torture he craved for, even if it just destroyed him a bit more than he already was. He just felt like burying his face in her long messy hair that was smoother than she had never wanted to believe, even when he told her so.

Zekk was struggling not to just hold Jaina his arms, like he used to, asking for nothing more than just being with her, knowing his feelings were returned. But he wouldn't try to hug her in any friendly or lover way tonight; it would just be the silliest thing to do.

Stopping the rush of thoughts in his desperate mind, Zekk suddenly felt Jaina moving, and this time he couldn't help looking at her, when she raised her head to look at him.

The Jedi felt something close to a storm, inside his heart, but he had to be the strongest not to show anything. But his inside fight didn't have to last forever.

In the dark of the room, Jaina slowly approached her face from Zekk's and brushed her lips against his. This caught Zekk by surprise, and he wasn't sure about how to answer to that.

Then, he felt Jaina's lips parting and her tongue gently tracing the contour of his mouth, and this time he didn't give a damn about what might result of this moment. No matter how strong he could be, this was something his Jedi powers couldn't fight. He put his arms around Jaina, and as she was moving to sit on his lap, he answered her kiss. As their lips locked, and the kiss deepened, reminding him of cherished memories, Zekk tasted once again the reason why he had never ceased to love Jaina.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 : What you believe**

It seemed ages to Zekk since the last time he had come back to the little apartment he had at the Jedi Temple, on Coruscant. Actually, it was a single room with a tiny bathroom. There were few belongings Zekk had accumulated over the years. This was not much, but he didn't need more. What he craved for, this had never been material. Feeling the calm of the place easing a bit the turmoil his heart was undergoing, he finally went to sit on the bed.

There was a little cupboard near the bed; he could reach for when he was sitting. He opened it and took a little box inside and kept it in his hands, looking at it. Zekk remembered the story of what there was in this box. Slowly opening it, he couldn't take his eyes off the broken necklace there was in. One happier day, like twenty years ago, Jaina had made an effort, wearing this beautiful necklace, of Alderaanee style; her mother had given her, for her tenth birthday. The adventurous Solo daughter had, of course, ended breaking the piece of jewelry. Zekk had almost been sadder of this happening, than her, even If she loved her mother. Seeing her friend liking the necklace, she had given it to him, "for him not to forget her, if their roads happened to separate".

Zekk sadly smiled at the memory. The gentle hug she had given him, by then, was mixing with a more recent memory. It had been four days he had awoken on Nar Shadda, Jaina quietly sleeping in his arms, after a night he would have never expected to happen again. But since that moment, Jaina had behaved as If everything were normal, and that this Intimate moment was just some kind of step in their relationship. "The closure they had both needed for years" she had told him. Zekk hadn't answered in a different way of what she expected. Not that he had no strength or anything like that. He only knew that he had already received more than what he had dreamt of for years. So, he had taken his guardian angel place, as he had had before.

He wouldn't let Jaina believe there would never be closure for him…

* * *

"Isn't Zekk with you, Jaina? I thought you would come together, as usual."

Jaina hugged back Lando, without answering first. Even if she had no problem with what had happened on the last night on Nar Shadda, she felt her cheeks blush anyway. Lando was like an uncle to her and she felt a bit weird to see him after this and have to talk about Zekk. She stepped back from Lando's hug.

"He has gone to the Jedi Temple. He had some things to do there. And after all, we need a bit of time apart, sometimes."

She saw Lando raise a brow. Why did he do that? Jaina didn't see why she would have said something weird. Zekk and she were old friends, ex-lovers, and that was all. Closure had happened once for good, and things were normal again. So why was Lando looking at her this way? She shrugged and went to take a seat in the living room. Lando took th other seat facing her.

"What has Kre'Fey decided about the information you two brought back?"

Jaina didn't want to talk about the threat against Tenel Ka again. She had already done her report to the Bothan Admiral, who told her that as soon as Luke and Mara would be back on Coruscant, there would be a meeting to discuss which step to take next. Jaina was still worried about this.

"As soon as Uncle Luke and Mara come back, we will decide what to do."

Calrissian nodded, and got up to take the hot chocolate that was ready and poured some in two cups and gave one to Jaina. The Solo daughter was still feeling as If Lando was going to ask her questions about Zekk and her. He was no Jedi, he couldn't know. And even If he did, It wasn't his business…

"Is there something wrong, Jaina?"

Jaina looked up from her cup of chocolate, and glanced suspiciously at Lando.

"What do you mean?"

Lando gave her the "don't think I'm stupid" look.

"You remind me of your mother In her early times with your father, when they both played the 'I'm not interested' game. This kind of things has stopped fooling me for years, young lady."

Jaina looked even more strangely to Lando and put her cup back onto the table, between them.

"Zekk and I are friends, partners. Whatever you call it, we are off the romantic relationship and it seems, even more than ever."

Lando remained silent, leaving his comment lingering In the air a little while.

Jaina felt more and more uncomfortable, even if she preferred having Lando In front of her rather than her father. At least, Lando wouldn't shoot a guy she had been involved with. And after all, this had only been closure time. She was interrupted In her thoughts by Lando, who finally spoke again.

"If this is what you believe Jaina… You are wrong."

Jaina stood up and looked at Lando who was still sitting, though he was looking between his usual joking attitude and a more serious shadow in his eyes.

"I didn't know you had something to do with either me or Zekk. What are you implying?"

She could feel herself close to loose her temper, which surprised her. Lando stood up too. He walked towards the main door of the flat, and looked at Jaina.

"There are questions you have to ask the right person. Shooting first, and talking after, doesn't always work, but this is worth a try."

Jaina breathed deeply, and left her uncle's flat, without adding a word. What If what she believed was not what she thought?


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 : The truth you didn't wish for**

This was just impossible. Everything has been over, for ten years. How could any silly unreturned feeling still sneak its way into Zekk's heart? She would have sensed it; she would have known it. And nothing had ever seemed like this to Jaina, even during the time she and Zekk had spent as Killiks Joiners. No one could deny that they were close, because of many matters, not only because of their long time gone romance. But, Jaina was certain that Lando was wrong, about Zekk seeing her as more than a friend, or any other silly Idea he might have had. And she was to prove it.

Her heart beating more than It should have, In her heavy chest, Jaina hurried her way through the Jedi Temple corridors. She finally found Cilghal, who was talking with a few padawans. The Mon Cal looked at the Solo daughter and greeted her politely.

"May I help you, Jaina Solo?"

Jaina stopped, and asked as calmly as she could, where Zekk was. Cilghal pointed towards another section of the temple.

"He was with some of the youngest children we currently have at the Temple, this way."

Jaina thanked her and quickly walked to the Indicated room. But as she stopped on the threshold, she saw Zekk, who must have felt her arriving, already looking towards the entrance. He was sitting with four children, who seemed very Interested In what he was talking about. Seeing him like this, made Jaina think that the day he would find a woman who loved him, and who he would love as much, her childhood friend would be a wonderful and caring father. Through all the years, he had grown up in such a devoted and noble Jedi, that It was sometimes hard to remember his darkest hours, during his teenage years.

"I didn't expect you here, Jaina. Is everything okay?"

Jaina hadn't realized that her friend had stood up and come to her. She really shouldn't have let Lando put her In such a weird state, with his words. She looked up to Zekk and put her hand on his arm.

"I need to talk to you, Zekk. "

The tall Jedi gave a thoughtful glance at Jaina. He stepped back from the touch of her hand and showed her the way. Seeing how his friend looked, he hoped that she had heard no bad news about Tenel Ka or her daughter. He had to admit that he wished Jaina would tell him about the nightmare or vision she had had, before their rendezvous with their contact. He hoped, she would do that, because he knew this must be heavy on her heart.

"Let's go to one of the balconies of this floor, Jaina."

Jaina followed him silently, feeling almost out of her mind. But now she had come all this way, she had to ask her question. After all, this would just be easier to have It said loud and clear once for all, so that no one could even sneak any more poisoning doubt In her mind.

Once they both were standing on the balcony, Jaina realized she hadn't visited the rebuilt Temple, since it had been able to receive people. The view was beautiful and rather calm for Coruscant… This was quite unexpected.

"So? What do you want to tell me, Jaina? I hope everything Is all right. You don't seem well."

Jaina turned to face Zekk, who was standing, his arms crossed, waiting for her answer. She should better talk now, so that she would stop feeling so much at ease, about what had happened on Nar Shadda.

"Are you still in love with me, Zekk?"

Though he had sensed his friend's emotional turmoil, Zekk wasn't waiting for this question. His first feeling was deception about Lando, but soon, he understood that all that Calrissian might have done was, to make Jaina face the question, one way or the other. He was almost certain about this. Yet, he felt that his world and the secure little reality he had built over the last years, by hiding his feelings, was to be shattered within the next minutes.

"Do you really care about it, Jaina?"

Her hazel eyes turned to dark, and he felt a mix of exasperation and doubt from her. Why did she suddenly have to ask about all of this? Somehow, Zekk didn't believe he might have been able to hide his feelings that well, for ten years, without her noticing. Maybe, she only didn't want to notice. Or this might as well, be this kind of embarrassing moment, that was putting everything In an Irrational perspective.

"This is not my question, Zekk."

Zekk turned to look at the busy city under the balcony. He had reached It, the point of no return, with all that It would Imply. After all, did he really have something left to loose? Yes, he had. But he couldn't escape Jaina's question. It was too late.

"I know you are in love with a ghost. And that no one will ever be able to change this. But I will never blame you for any of your feelings."

He felt Jaina coming and forcing him to look at her. People sometimes forgot how strong this little woman could be. And, Zekk didn't know why she would need to do that to him, now.

"I am not in love with Jag anymore, Zekk! I have mourned his death, as well as my love for him, even before he had been killed! Answer my question!"

Zekk knew that what she had just said wouldn't help him. But, she deserved the truth. He could hide his feelings, but he couldn't lie to her, like this. He was not able to do that. So, he looked into her eyes, knowing that he would be hurt by what he would soon see In them. Yet, he had to be strong as he had always been for her.

"I have been in love with you for more than fifteen years, Jaina. I feel Incomplete without you by my side. But I know that all I feel is one-sided and I don't mean to ask anything from you. As much as I cherish your friendship, I don't want any pity from you about my foolishness."

Zekk felt that he had taken a step into his last fall, and somehow he didn't know If It wouldn't be worse than the one he had experienced Into the dark side. At least, he wouldn't hurt any one else, this time.

Jaina was in shock, even If she might have expected It, somehow. She liked Zekk, he was dear to her heart, but not like this. This couldn't be possible. She felt a gap suddenly growing between them, that she had never seen before. And she felt deeply sorry about this, though she couldn't, and she wouldn't, force Zekk to stay with her, now. She couldn't be able to be with him, either. The truth had been spoken, and this changed too much for them to handle, even with all the best will in the world. She also had no right on him, and she would have to be the one to give him his freedom back. Even If she knew she would be fooling herself, by thinking that.

Tightening her grasp on his arm, she spoke, her voice breaking, without her noticing it.

"I am sorry, Zekk. I am sorry. For everything. I… I didn't know."

Zekk gently took her In his arms, in one last hug.

"Don't be, Jaina. All the time, you ignored my secret you allowed me some last years of happiness. I will also keep loving you for this."

Without anything left to confess, they remained holding each other, for one last time, before things changed forever.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 : Is it already farewell time?**

Luke Skywalker knew he would have several matters to deal with, as soon as he came back to Coruscant. Nevertheless, he had never imagined that the first person who would request to see him would happen to be Zekk. The young Jedi had stumbled on his path, as he was on his way to meet the other Masters. Luke had felt a certain grief, mixed with resignation, as he had offered to see Zekk later in the day.

Now, in the early evening, Luke was meditating in one of the meeting rooms of the Jedi Temple. He felt Zekk's presence arriving to the door. As it slid open to reveal the tall Jedi, Luke watched him enter. Zekk stopped a few steps away from Luke and sat as the Master greeted him.

"Good evening, Zekk. This has been a while, since we last talked together."

He felt the young man's anxiety. Luke was wondering what might have happened. He had been told that an emergency meeting with Admiral Krey'Fey would take place two days later because of Zekk and his niece's most recent mission. Yet, Luke sensed that Zekk's problem had to be more personal. He waited for him to speak.

Zekk knew that Master Skywalker might be surprised, not to say bothered, by what he was to ask for, and that this would change his own life forever.

"I am aware that my wish might sound unusual, Master Skywalker; but, I would really appreciate to be allowed to leave the Jedi Order."

Luke had to admit that he wouldn't have thought that one of the Jedi Knights, that already counted too few members, especially after the tragic Vong war, should wish to leave the Order. And Zekk was one of the last Luke would ever have expected to see willing to abandon. He sincerely hoped that Zekk would stay, and so, Luke had to know which the young man's reasons were.

"This request is indeed quite surprising and kind of disturbing, Zekk. I am certain you know what the Jedi Order had become, after all the losses the last galactic war brought. Our Order is smaller, and yet, has to achieve much more with the galaxy still fighting to get rebuild and the Padawans who need to be taught the ways of the Force. I confess that I don't want to see any of the Jedi leaving. I would like to hear the reasons of your decision because I would like to know If anything might be done for you to stay among us."

Zekk silently nodded. He didn't want to tell Master Skywalker about all that led him to take this difficult decision, but, no matter what he felt like saying, he owed Luke some explanations.

"I know about all of this, Master Skywalker. I honestly regret having to leave, but I know that if I stay, I won't be able to achieve my duty as I should. Due to personal reasons, I wish to quit the Jedi Order. I think, this is the best option."

Luke understood that Zekk would tell no more and he also knew the Jedi too well to think he had made this harsh choice without serious thought. Luke knew that he should grant Zekk what he was requesting.

Skywalker finally stood up, Zekk doing as well, waiting for the Master's answer.

Luke had some conditions.

"Even though I would prefer you to stay, you are free to leave the Jedi Order, Zekk. But I want you to remember that you will always be a Jedi, and that you will also have your place with us. Being a Jedi is not just about being called so, by everyone around. I know you are a true Jedi and will always be. May the Force be with you."

Zekk nodded and bowed respectfully to show his gratitude. Luke couldn't help smiling. Zekk had become one of the most formal Jedi Knights since Jaina had brought him back from the Dark Side in their teenage years. Luke remembered Tionne who once said that Zekk had something of the Old Republic Jedi Knights. Luke couldn't agree more with her.

"Thank you for your understanding, Master Skywalker. Though I doubt It, I hope to be able to come back to Coruscant and the Jedi Order one day. May the Force be with you, as well."

Luke nodded and watched Zekk leaving the room. Then, as the door closed, he felt his wife's presence as she joined him. He turned to face her and she looked concerned, more than he would have thought. Luke didn't need to tell her what had happened, she had understood. She came next to him and gave him a somber smile.

"You will never change Farmboy… You still understand nothing about feelings, it seems.

Luke frowned and his silent question lingered in the air. Mara sighed.

"I am afraid that after all those years, he and Jaina had a talk and that she has told him she didn't share his feelings."

She couldn't help laughing when she saw her husband's face, then she became serious again.

"Those two won't ever be able to understand anything, I am afraid. And the Force knows, how well I know about wasting time in relationships."

She put her hand on Luke's arm, and gently squeezed it, without noticing, but her piercing eyes were still looking beyond the closed door.

"I wish I hadn't taught Jaina, my silly ways of dealing with feelings. I'm afraid I might have…"

* * *

Zekk was almost out of the Jedi Temple, when he felt a presence he would always recognize among every others. Waiting, her arms crossed against one of the columns of the main entrance, stood Jaina. She didn't look happy. Zekk didn't know if he wanted to see her before leaving. He did crave to see her this very last moment before he would turn the page over his former life and impossible dreams. Stopping next to her, he didn't even put down the luggage with his few belongings. They remained silent before Jaina finally looked up at him.

"Is it already farewell time?"

Zekk didn't move. What could he say? That he was sorry? That he loved her? That he wished her all the happiness possible? All of this, and surely a few clever things, somewhere in the middle of his words. But, was there any point saying any thing at that moment? Surely not.

"You don't need to do that, Zekk. You could have remained In the Jedi Order, just not working with me anymore."

Zekk sensed the glimpse of sadness in Jaina's voice, but their paths got separated, once for good, surely too late. And this was surely the best thing that could happen to them, he had come to believe. At least, he didn't need to hide his feelings from Jaina, or anyone, anymore. Things were clear and would help him feel at peace, one day in the future. And to achieve this, he had to leave and search for his own balance and keep serving the Force the best a Jedi could.

"I didn't ask you to understand, Jaina. I know what I am doing."

He came closer and gently kissed her forehead, and whispered a few words he just had to tell her.

"Keep safe, Jaina. And may the Force be with you. Always."

Jaina hadn't meant to do any gesture like this, but she briefly hugged him, and let him step back almost as soon as he felt her arms around him. She couldn't be angry at him, and yet, it didn't feel right to her. She watched Zekk bowing in some silly formal way to her,and felt like doing something, to make him stop this wrong choice he was making, but she just didn't know what… As Zekk was turning his back to her, and walking away, she shouted.

"Goodbye, Zekk!"

She saw him stopping, and hoped, for a couple of seconds, before she heard his reply.

"Farewell, Jaina."

And she stood here, at the Jedi Temple entrance, watching her closerst friend stepping out of her life…


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 : The fate, only you can choose**

The Coruscanti night had grown as dark as the shining city lights would allow it. The spaceport traffic was always important, no matter which hour it could be. Yet, that particular evening, was to be remembered, maybe not by the whole galaxy, but by whom who had known the Jedi who was to leave everything behind. Zekk had made up his mind about the destination where he would live his chosen exile, but he hadn't expected he would get an easy transport to go there.

"You didn't need to do that, Calrissian."

Standing on the private docking area, Lando owned in the spaceport both men were facing each other. Han Solo's friend shrugged and gave a fake angry look at Zekk.

"Do you really mean to embarrass me, Zekk?"

The younger man sighed, and gave a sad smile. It was weird for him that Calrissian did so much for him, though Lando had never made any difference between the Solo children and him, since the first time they had met, long years ago.

"I guess I should thank you. Not only for this X-Wing, but for what you told Jaina, even if I don't exactly know what you said to her."

This time, Lando really seemed kind of embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, Zekk. I didn't intend to mess with everything, but I admit that Jaina can be as stubborn and blind as her father sometimes. And that I just lost my temper a bit, during her last visit… "

Zekk couldn't help laughing at the thought of Jaina who was indeed alike her father, in the good and the bad, actually. He saw Lando looking at him, with some interrogative gaze.

"I think that the fact Jaina and I finally said all that had to be unveiled, is a very positive thing. The truth had to be spoken, and even if I have still much to achieve, I feel relieved."

Lando nodded. This young man would always amaze him. Lando had sometimes thought that Jedi Knights tended to be noble in a certain weird way. Yet, Zekk had always been strong and respectful; this behaviour reminded Calrissian of Luke during the civil war dark era. But at that exact moment, Lando could also tell that he recognized something of Luke in Jaina Solo, as well: the total absence of sense when it came to feelings. And he had to confess that it made him feel sad.

"So you won't change your mind, Zekk? "

The young man shrugged.

"And I know this is useless trying to ask you where you will go."

Zekk looked at the old X-Wing Lando had just given to him and slightly frowned.

"Family doesn't put any tracking device on a ship, young man. "

Zekk glanced at Lando. He didn't know if he wished to hear about anything related to the notion of family. Nevertheless, he didn't want to seem disrespectful to Calrissian.

"I admit that, even if I learnt to trust you, Calrissian, I didn't think I could happen to consider you as a friend. Thank you. "

Lando walked to Zekk, and put both his hands on the Jedi's arms.

"Even though it's too late for you to need a father, I want you to know that you can always rely on me, Zekk. "

Zekk was surprised as Calrissian hugged him. The former smuggler had always been keen on displays of affection with friends and family, but it hadn't happened to him, before this moment.

Stepping back from the unexpected hug, Zekk smiled to Lando.

"You would have been a great father. Thank you… Lando. "

Calrissian felt so glad that Zekk didn't reject him, not only because he appreciated the Jedi, but also because he sincerely thought that a few family substitutes wouldn't do Zekk any harm, especially since the younger man had been an orphan since he was a kid and that now he had to get away from Jaina.

"You'd better go, son. Otherwise, it's going to turn into some melodrama."

The two men suddenly burst out of laughter, because of Lando's very lame joke.

Soon, Zekk climbed into the X-Wing, and quickly waved one last time to Lando, before the older man walked out of the docking bay.

As he was lifting off, making his way to the Coruscanti night sky, Zekk had a thought, quickly reflecting on his decision. But there was no other way possible, and this chosen exile would be an opportunity for him to test his Jedi training, as well as his will to serve the Light Side. Spending a long time, maybe the rest of his life, on Myrkr, would force him to find back, and strongly keep, his own balance.

Zekk had anyway, what he considered a last weakness. He gently brushed Jaina's mind once more.

_Farewell, Jaina. Thank you for your friendship…_

Then Zekk saw the stars turning into white endless lines as the X-Wing entered hyperspace.

* * *

Mara had been looking for Jaina, since she had left her husband a while ago. Though she knew her niece was still in the Jedi Temple, Mara hadn't expected to find Jaina where she finally found her. Alone in the dark, Jaina was sitting, her back against Zekk's bed, in the room he once occupied. When she felt Mara's presence, Jaina raised her head towards the opened door.

"Zekk is gone. I felt him a few minutes ago… I think he has now left normal space."

Mara walked into the somber room, and closed the door behind her. Then, she silently came to sit on the bed. Clasping her hands, Luke's wife wasn't sure about what to tell her niece, especially without starting what she thought would lead to some kind of argument.

"Can you tell me what you expected when you came to this room? "

Jaina didn't understand the almost unhidden harshness, she could hear in her aunt's words. She didn't even look at her, when she answered.

"Does the Jedi Code forbid its members to come to a friend's place when this person has just left? "

Mara sighed.

"I didn't teach you to make the same mistakes I did, did I? "

This time, Jaina looked at Mara, raising a brow.

"I don't see what you are implying, Mara. "

Her aunt didn't move, and controlled what she was to say next.

"You never see what anyone says, when it comes to you and Zekk; even when he talked to you. "

Mara felt a burst of anger coming from her niece. Banging her head against the bed, Jaina grew bitter when she spoke next.

"It is not my fault if he chose to leave! I didn't ask him to! How could I have guessed he was still in love with me? How could I have guessed he would just leave! "

Mara heard Jaina's voice breaking, as she started crying. Taking her head in her hands, the Solo daughter felt like her world was collapsing.

"Why didn't you want to see Zekk leaving, Jaina? "

Still crying, Jaina said something whose exact sense Mara didn't want to understand perfectly. Then, the younger woman looked at her aunt, angry and desperate tears rolling down her checks.

"He was my friend! Don't you understand?"

Mara sighed again, and bent down to grab Jaina and force her to sit on the bed next to her.

"Do you really believe that fooling yourself will help you ease the pain and all the mess you made, Jaina "

The younger woman couldn't stop the tears. She didn't want to listen to what Mara had to say. She just wanted to see Zekk. He was the only one; she had grown to seek comfort from, when everything was crashing down. And now he was gone. He wanted her to be happy, but could she be happy, without him?

"I thought he didn't love me anymore, because I had been with Jag…"

Mara finally took Jaina in her arms, as her niece was crying even more, because of her confession.

"So why did you reject him ? "

Jaina mumbled some almost incoherent sentences, before Mara could understand.

"I was afraid… That I would ruin everything… That I would loose him one day. "

Mara didn't answer right away.

"You are as incoherent as I used to be, Jaina…"

She forced Jaina to look at her.

"But there is one day, when one has to face all the mistakes he or she has made, and fix all that can be. I don't want you to regret a choice you didn't make, Jaina. "

Jaina was slowly stopping to cry. Yet, she had the feeling that she had already destroyed all that could have been. She even didn't know why she had done all of these silly choices, so far.

"You were afraid, afraid to find happiness, after all the fight and loss."

Jaina looked at Mara, her question lingering in the air.

"I have been there, before, Jaina. And I don't want you to do the same mistakes…"

Mara finally stood up and headed for the door.

"I don't know what wether I can fix anything, nor how to do it. "

Mara looked back to her niece.

"This is your destiny Jaina. Only you can decide what to do about it. No one else. "

Then, Luke's wife left the room, leaving Jaina alone in the dark room. The Solo daughter lied down on Zekk's bed, and watched the ceiling. Would her friend only be waiting for her? Jaina didn't know, but she wanted to believe that she would just have to find him, and that she would have a chance to put things back together. But she didn't know how to reach him, in the vast galaxy. Closing her eyes, Jaina let the Force pour into her, hoping it would give her enough strength to find back the man she loved…


End file.
